Why military men cheat

Some could argue that military members have a greater thrill-seeking streak than civilians, and there are few things more novel and risky than an extramarital affair. The risk associated with being caught, and the excitement of new emotional and sexual connections, can drive people to go against their better judgment.

The reasons for extramarital affairs are many, and they are fairly consistent between military and civilian couples. Infidelity can come at an extremely high cost: It can destroy your career, your reputation and your sense of dignity. This is in addition to the obvious devastation it can do to your marriage, though many can survive infidelity. All it takes is for one person who is willing to overlook the imperfection of another.

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More In Commentary. We made up, and a year later, I cheated again. I thought we were good but all it took was a few drinks, distance, and a little connection with another deployed coworker for me to have another affair. My husband is a great man and deserves the best, but he lacked compassion and affection. She was an embassy employee who I worked with closely.

She saw the qualities I possessed manifest in a professional sense and had great respect for the job I did and the manner in which I did it. It was not only physical, but emotional too. My college-educated partner never respected my job and never understood it or demonstrated a desire to understand it.

We drifted apart. And I ended up with a woman that witnessed me at my best, all my best qualities, that manifested in the work I did while deployed. I guess I was not that ideal person when I was stateside but when I was deployed, absolutely immersed in my job, all those qualities that a professional, mature woman wants were right on the surface. But home, without her desire or ability to see those traits and no evidence per se, she'd rather consider me the lesser party and dismiss me.

And that is why I was unfaithful. IED explosion, rocket attacks, deaths, etc. I wasn't married yet, just engaged, but I thought after a convoy that I was going to die.

Turned to my battle buddy. We shared a traumatic experience. Doesn't make it right, but it happened. We stayed friends. It was an emotional bond, and we made plans to see each other when I got back.

I flew to see her and had sex with her. My relationship wasn't going well to begin with. I wasn't communicating effectively enough to ensure my spouse knew what I was dealing with and the stress of being a Marine. A misconception about military marriage is that it frequently involves infidelity, according to Perkins. First Class Kent Phyfe. Military spouses can lose their sense of self, since their partners' career of service often takes precedence over theirs.

Laura DiSilverio spent 20 years in the Air Force. Her daughter was not yet 2 and she was pregnant with her second child when she found out that she would be stationed in England. The entire family picked up and moved abroad and her husband became a stay-at-home dad. It's especially hard on men who are socialized to get such a large part of their sense of self from their careers.

But, just because the career of a military spouse takes precedence at one point, that doesn't mean it always will.

When she retired in , she and her husband switched roles and she became the stay-at-home parent. Now, DiSilverio writes mystery novels and parents her kids full time. Her ninth novel is scheduled to come out in June. Military spouses can have a harder time finding work than their partners who served. Marie Ruediger, from San Diego, Calif.

Even though she expects to earn her master's degree this year, employers seem to be more interested in speaking about job opportunities to her husband, who retired from the Navy in We had even agreed that I should be the primary breadwinner [now that he's retired] because I have the academic background. Military couples can't plan anything in advance -- not even their kids' birthday parties -- which can continually test their marriages.

Her husband's schedule is set only a month in advance and it's very hard for him to change it.