Evil : Not really. Kill the little bastard, see if I care. Scott Evil : But dad, we just had a breakthrough in group. They were insolent! Scott Evil : It's no hassle Evil : Sh! Scott Evil : But Scott Evil : I'm Scott Evil : All I'm say Scott Evil : There gonna get a Scott Evil : I'm just Scott Evil : Would Scott Evil : Who's there? Evil : Let me tell you a little story about a man named Sh! That was a pre-emptive "sh! Austin Powers : Shall we shag now, or shall we shag later? How do you like to do it?
Do you like to wash up first? You know, top and tails Personally, before I'm on the job, I like to give my undercarriage a bit of a 'how's your father'! Austin Powers : Actually, my name is Austin Powers.
Danger is my middle name. Austin Powers : She's the village bicycle! Everyone's had a ride. Austin Powers : Dr. Evil, do you really expect them to pay? Evil : No, Mr. I expect them to die. Even after they pay me the money, I'm still gonna melt every city on the planet with liquid hot magma.
Quartermaster Clerk : One Swedish-made penis enlarger. Austin Powers : [to Vanessa] That's not mine. Quartermaster Clerk : One credit card receipt for Swedish-made penis enlarger signed by Austin Powers. Austin Powers : I'm telling ya baby, that's not mine. Quartermaster Clerk : One warranty card for Swedish-made penis enlarger pump, filled out by Austin Powers. Austin Powers : I don't even know what this is!
This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby. Austin Powers : Yeah, baby, yeah. Powers, I would never have sex with you, ever! If you were the last man on earth and I was the last woman on earth, and the future of the human race depended on our having sex, simply for procreation, I still would not have sex with you.
Austin Powers : What's your point, Vanessa? Evil : Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my underground lair. I have gathered here before me the world's deadliest assassins, and yet each of you has failed to kill Austin Powers. That makes me angry. And when Dr. Evil gets angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr.
Bigglesworth gets upset Evil : [Dr. Evil is introducing his henchmen] Patty O'Brien: ex-Irish assassin. His trademark? Evil : A superstitious man, he leaves a tiny keepsake on every victim he kills. Scotland Yard would love to get their hands on that piece of evidence. Paddy O'Brien : Aye.
They're always after me lucky charms. Evil and Frau Farbissina laugh]. Paddy O'Brien : What? Why does everyone always laugh when I say that? Frau Farbissina : It's a television commercial. With this cartoon leprechaun, and all of these children are trying to chase him, "Hey, leprechaun, leprechaun man, we want to get your lucky charms. And there are these little tiny pieces of mashmallow just stuck right in the cereal. So when the kids eat them they think, "Oooh this is candy, I'm having fun!
Vanessa Kensington : Always wanting to have fun, Austin. That's you in a nutshell! Austin Powers : No, this is me in a nutshell. Austin Powers : Help! I'm in a nutshell!
How did I get into this nutshell? Look at the size of this bloody great big nutshell! What sort of shell has a nut like this? This is crazy! Austin Powers : Do I make you horny?
Do I make you horny, baby? Yeah, do I? Vanessa Kensington : [in disgust] God, I hope this is part of the unfreezing process. Evil : I like to see girls of that Evil : By "caliber," of course, I refer to both the size of their gun barrels and the high quality of their characters Two meanings Forget it.
Frau Farbissina : Remember when we froze your semen? You said that if it didn't look like you were coming back we should try to create an heir so a part of you would live forever? Evil : Oh, sure. Frau Farbissina : Well, after a couple of years we Evil, I want you to meet your son.
Evil : My son? Frau Farbissina : Ja. Evil : Hello, Scott. Scott Evil : Hi. Evil : I'm your father. Dr Evil. I hate you. Evil : Could I have a hug? Scott Evil : No. Evil : Give me a hug.
Scott Evil : No way. Evil : Come here. Scott Evil : I'm not coming over there. Evil : Let's go. Scott Evil : Forget it. Evil : Pronto. Scott Evil : What are you doing? Evil : I'm with it.
I'm hip. Evil : Well, don't look at me like I'm frickin' Frankenstein! Give your father a hug. Scott Evil : You're Evil : Hug, hug, hug. Hug, hug, hug. Scott Evil : Get away from me, you lazy-eyed psycho! Austin Powers : [has just farted in Alotta's hot tub] Pardon me for being rude, it was not me it was my food, it just popped up to say hello, but now it's gone back down below.
Alotta Fagina : How dare you break wind before me. Austin Powers : I'm sorry I didn't realize it was your turn. Austin Powers : Allow myself to introduce myself.
My name is Richie Cunningham, and this is my wife, Oprah. Austin Powers : [muttering] Baseball, cold showers, baseball, cold showers.
Austin Powers : Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day! Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day! Austin Powers : Ooo, Behave! Basil Exposition : [after Austin punched Basil's mother and attempted to pull her hair out] You have a lot of explaining to do! Austin Powers : I'm sorry, Basil. I thought she was a man.
Basil Exposition : Dammit, man! You're talking about my Mother! Austin Powers : Well, you have to admit, she is rather man-ish. Basil Exposition : [shocked] Austin! Austin Powers : Well, no offense, but if that is a woman it does look like she was beaten with an ugly stick! Austin Powers : I won't bite Evil : Finally, we come to my number two man.
His name? Number Two. Evil : There's nothing more pathetic than an aging hipster. Austin Powers : Come again? Alotta Fagina : Alotta Fagina. Austin Powers : Oh, I'm sorry, I'm just not getting it, it sounds like you said your name was a lot of um Austin Powers : Wait Vanessa, I can explain. You see, I was looking for Dr. Evil when the Fembots came out and smoke started coming out of their jomblies. So I started to work my mojo, to counter their mojo; we got cross-mojulation, and their heads started exploding.
Austin Powers : That really hurt! I'm gonna have a lump there, you idiot! Who throws a shoe? You fight like a woman! Basil Exposition : The shouting is a temporary side-effect of the unfreezing. Austin Powers : Yes Evil : I demand the sum Austin Powers : Why take the escalator when I have a perfectly good canoe right here?
Austin Powers : That's fascinating, Vanessa. Listen, why don't we go in the back and shag? Austin Powers : I've been frozen for 30 years. I've gotta see if my bits and pieces are still working. Vanessa Kensington : Excuse me? Austin Powers : My Wedding tackle. Vanessa Kensington : I'm sorry. Austin Powers : My meat and two veg.
My twig and berries. H-ello, lads, are you still awake? Powers, please! I'd appreciate it if you could concentrate on our mission and give your libido a rest Evil : [calls to his cat while shaking a bag of Meow Mix] Din-Din! Austin Powers : Jimi Hendrix deceased, drugs. Janis Joplin deceased, alcohol. Mama Cass deceased, ham sandwich. Alotta Fagina : Some sake, Mr. Austin Powers : Sake it to me baby! Evil : [addressing the members of the U. N] Gentlemen, I give you the Vulcan Evil : The world's most powerful subterranean drill.
Austin Powers : Does that make you horny? Vanessa Kensington : [a little disgusted] Not now, Austin. Austin Powers : What exactly do you do, Mr. Number Two? Number Two : That's my business. Now if you'll excuse, I have to go to the little boys' room. Austin Powers : Yeah, and I can't believe Liberace was gay. I mean, women loved him! I didn't see that one coming.
Evil : Son, wouldn't you like to see what daddy does for a living? Scott Evil : Blow me. Evil : What? Scott Evil : Show me. Therapist : We have some new-comers here today.
Please say hello to Scott and his father Mr Evil : Evil, Actually, Dr. The Group : Hello, Scott. Hello, Dr. Scott Evil : Hi, everybody. Vanessa Kensington : What's your plan? Austin Powers : [nervously] First, I plan to soil myself. Then I'm going to regroup and come up with a new plan.
Any thoughts? Austin Powers : Judo chop! Austin Powers : That's a man baby! Evil : Why must I be surrounded by frickin' idiots? Evil : I'm gonna get you Austin Powers! It's frickin' freezing in here, Mr. Alotta Fagina : In Japan, men come first and women come second. Austin Powers : Or sometimes not at all.
Evil : Let's go. Scott Evil : Forget it. Evil : Pronto. Scott Evil : What are you doing? Evil : I'm with it. I'm hip. Tak-a-tak-a-tak-a-tak-a [Dr. Evil dances the Macarena] Well, don't look at me like I'm friggin' Frankenstein, give your father a hug.
Scott Evil : Get away from me, you lazy-eyed psycho! Evil runs after him with his arms out] Dr. Kill the little bastard, see if I care. Scott Evil : But dad, we just had a breakthrough in group. They were insolent! Scott Evil : It's no hassle Evil : Sh! Scott Evil : But Scott Evil : I'm Scott Evil : All I'm say Scott Evil : There gonna get a Scott Evil : I'm just Scott Evil : Would Scott Evil : Who's there? Evil : Let me tell you a little story about a man named Sh!
That was a pre-emptive "sh! Frau Farbissina : Remember when we froze your semen? You said that if it didn't look like you were coming back we should try to create an heir so a part of you would live forever? Evil : Oh, sure. Frau Farbissina : Well, after a couple of years we Evil, I want you to meet your son. Evil : My son? Frau Farbissina : Ja. Evil : Hello, Scott. Scott Evil : Hi.
Evil : I'm your father. Dr Evil. I hate you. Evil : Could I have a hug? Scott Evil : No. Evil : Give me a hug. Scott Evil : No way. Evil : Come here. Scott Evil : I'm not coming over there. Evil : Let's go. Scott Evil : Forget it. Evil : Pronto. Scott Evil : What are you doing? Evil : I'm with it. I'm hip.
Evil : Well, don't look at me like I'm frickin' Frankenstein!
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